(A belated Caturday post.)
I love cats. I’ve never owned a cat but based on all the internet cats I’ve seen, I love cats very much.
A few weeks ago, I went to a cat café called The Company of Cats. I didn’t know about that particular cat café until the afternoon that Mystery Friend and I were going.
I was enchanted by The Company of Cats’s cat pun-filled website: “Meowketing Director”, “KGB (Kitty Girl’s Brigade)”, “Catppuccino”. These people speak the language of my people!
After obsessing about the website, I imagined a fun filled night of kitty chin scratches and lots and lots of cat snuggles. Of course, things don’t always turn out as you wish.
It took me a while to get over not petting enough cats at the cat café. I was going to write a cat café report but realized that the whole process is similar to online dating, specifically a bad sort of online dating.
1. You are bombarded with so many choices
Like online dating, the cat café’s website give you what seems to be an unlimited number of candidates|cats. You look at them and think, “Wow! So many choices.”
You imagine what these people|cats are like when you spend time with them. You made a connection with the match|cat and decide to go meet him/her|it in real life.
2. You don’t realize that there’s a lot of competition for affection
Because you’re in your little bubble and think that there’s a lot of choices for matches|cats, you don’t realize that many out there are competing for the matches|cats’ affections.
3. You buy coffee and food to spend time with the match|cats
Like a proper date, you’ll definitely need to buy drinks and/or food on a date|cat-cafe-visit.
Unless you guys are doing something active, it would be totally awkward to just sit together and talk without the help of taking a few sips throughout the conversation. (The mini lava cake at The Company of Cats was tasty!)
4. You realize that you two have nothing in common
Online it felt like a good match but in real life, it’s a disaster.
You’re a cat and I’m a human. We can’t even have a good conversation.
4. Things go downhill
First, the match|cat tolerates you. Just a little.
Then, it ignores you.
5. Match|cat prefers someone with better materialistic goods
Sure your heart is overflowing with love for the furry creatures but cats are quite materialistic and prefer humans with the cat swisher thingy.
Don’t you know she’s just toying with you feelings?! I could give you all the belly rubs and chin scratches if you would just come to me!
6. The cat licks its genital in front of you
Just when things couldn’t get any worse, the cat licks its genitals right in front of you.
I’d congratulate you if you happen to find a human who can do this feat. For now, it’s good to just leave it as it is.
PS It’s rude to lick any parts of your body on a date.
7. Parting is such sweet sorrow
Right before your third 30-minute time block is up, you decide to leave.
You give every cat a sad look and vow to come back one day when there’s nobody around so you could have them all to yourself.
8. You do it again because you’re a masochist
Sure having a bad date offline is a bit of a downer but you head back to the online dating world because maybe there’s that cat which will find you as irresistible as catnip.
Other photos from The Company of Cats
This place is just too cute, here’s other photos:
The Company of Cats